Why can't we predict who we will fall in love with? Science has the answer

Have you ever fell in love completely unexpectedly? In the one who, according to your personal ideas about the perfect pair, is not suitable for this at all? Studies show that relationship experts can actually predict who will like someone. Hundreds of different surveys of candidates for the search for couples in which people were asked to describe themselves, their habits and preferences did not help either. Experts even used machine learning to analyze questionnaires in order to try to predict people's choices during the so-called quick dates. But in this case they were expected to fail. Researchers have not been able to predict the appearance of the very "spark" between the first-encountered people, which nevertheless some really do appear.

Someone will say that no one is better than himself.knows, therefore, no expert will help in this matter. However surprising it may sound to you, we ourselves are not able to predict who we may like and why. Because we do not know what we want. And for this, it turns out, there is quite a scientific explanation.

Unconscious preferences

Trying to find the perfect partner for youfor relationships, we rely on a conscious and deliberate choice. At least we think so. In fact, most of the parameters that characterize an ideal partner are embedded in our subconscious. For example, in one of the psychological studies of the early 2000s, it was found that when we consciously describe our preferences for a partner for long-term relationships, most of us say that such human traits and aspects as kindness, mutual interests, affection, intelligence more important to us than its physical attractiveness.

Despite the results numerousStudies showing that heterosexual men and gays more often than natural women and lesbians call the physical attractiveness of a person one of the main criteria for choosing a suitable couple within the same short visits, conducted experiments and observations consistently demonstrate that the external attractiveness of a person is equally important for men and for women. Moreover, this factor has a much greater influence on our choice in favor of dating or refusing it than such factors as personality and education of a person. And the choice in favor of the physical attractiveness of a potential partner is dictated to us by our subconscious mind. Experiments to assess the unconscious preferences of people demonstrate that both men and women are equally likely to prefer a beautiful person as an ideal partner.

In addition, it is established that our subconscious withtime changes some characteristics of an ideal partner because of what changes our behavior. And most often this occurs in women, including due to physiological changes in their bodies. For example, naturalka, being at the peak of their menstrual cycle, more often make a choice in favor of more courageous, well-built men. With a high level of estrogen (female sex hormones), they become more often interested in other men, even with a couple. With elevated levels of progesterone, on the contrary, more "attached" to its main partner.

Caring for others

Also psychologists are very surprised by the fact that weOften we begin to meet people who do not at all correspond to our ideas about the ideal partner. In one study, male and natural women who searched for a mate were asked to list those traits and personality traits that they thought would be “blockers” for potentially closer acquaintance and communication, for example, opposing religious and political views, bad habits, tendency to change, and so on. However, when people were told that other research participants with at least three “blocking character traits” wanted to meet them, 74 percent of these people agreed to exchange contact information with these “unacceptable potential partners”. Interestingly, the scientists themselves predicted results at 46 percent, which is also quite a lot. Researchers suggest that this behavior and the unwillingness to immediately reject the unsuitable partner is due to the fact that by doing so we try not to hurt someone's feelings.


Despite the fact that each of us has our owntastes and ideas about the ideal partner, it seems that the most important criterion for selection is a personal meeting with a person. If, when communicating with a person directly, we feel the very spark, our evaluation criteria and blocker characteristics fade into the background and are not of particular importance. In one experiment, scientists created fake profiles of people with the most desirable and undesirable for other participants character traits and habits. Then each “fake personality” personally met with the person who chose him on the basis of these characteristics and behaved as it was written in the legend of scientists. It turned out that during a personal meeting, the originally expressed preferences of the participants had no effect on the level of sympathy for the fake person. Based on this, the researchers concluded that even those features that we consider very important (or unacceptable) for our potential preferred partner, cease to play any important role if we feel the spark in personal contact. This study also helps explain why questionnaires with personal data, filled by participants in dating sites and analyzed by computer algorithms for selecting the “ideal partner” do not really bring much benefit in predicting whether we like people or not.

Suddenly fall in love

Given our tendency to meet with thosepeople who do not correspond to our ideas about the perfect couple, it is logical to assume that such relationships will not last long. However, as mentioned above, our preferences may change, not only on a subconscious level, but also taking into account a fully informed choice. We often underestimate the importance of our previous ideas about the ideal partner, if our present halves do not correspond to them, and at the same time increase the value of their positive traits. We also often idealize our beloveds and, therefore, we note or even attribute to them those positive traits of character that they themselves may not even suspect or take seriously. In addition, regardless of what our partners have or do not possess, the more we get to know them, we become attached and love, the stronger our attraction to them becomes. So fall for health! Fall in love completely unexpectedly for yourself! You may be surprised at how well your relationship develops.

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