Do you think couples quarrel often? According to a survey conducted by the University of Michigan's Social Research Institute, more than 90% of couples argue with each other and quarrel at least once a month. Common topics of family disagreement are money, sex, and time spent together. None of this will surprise anyone who has been in a long-term relationship. However, the results of a new study conducted by scientists from the University of North Carolina showed that studying cognitive abilities - the highest functions of the human brain, can help explain why some couples are better at disagreeing.
Train your memory
Lead author of the study Levy Baker and hiscolleagues told Scientific American that spouses who have high working memory better remember each other's statements when discussing problems. In turn, these couples have shown greater progress in solving their problems over time. The study revealed that couples can overcome the difficulties of the cognitive factor, which directly affects the quality of communication between partners. In other words, the more new information you learn and remember, the stronger your relationship with your spouse will be.
The sample included 101 couples who were marriedless than three months. Working individually, the newlyweds first passed tests on the ability to keep information in the focus of attention for a short period of time, for example, following what someone says during a conversation. Then the couples jointly participated in the discussion of problems. After discussion, the couple went into separate rooms and wrote down each other's wishes. Finally, four and eight months later, questionnaires were sent to the couples by e-mail, in which scientists asked them to re-evaluate the severity of the problems. Those pairs whose memory work turned out to be high coped better with problems during further observations. In addition, spouses with high working memory were the most accurate in describing each other's wishes after discussing problems.
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Give each other more time
Researchers noted that other cognitivefactors such as reasoning can also play a role in resolving marriage disputes. The results of the scientists show that one of the ways for partners to get rid of conflicts in marriage is simply to pay more attention to each other when discussing problems. You probably had to meet a person whose name you could not remember a few seconds later. In fact, you have not forgotten the name of this person - you just never remembered him. In other words, you did not pay enough attention to this in order to transfer the name of the stranger to your long-term memory. Similarly, if you do not take into account what your partner says when discussing a problem, you will not remember what was discussed. Therefore, scientists advise you to carefully listen to your partner and discuss problems in a relationship when you rest, sober and nothing distracts you.